After the break up with my 4th boyfriend at the age of 21, I decided to take a pause from relationships. This was not because I was heartbroken and dejected but I thought that it is high time I should ask myself; are men different species? Do I have to learn a new language in order to communicate with them?
Most of you must have read different books which outlines the differences between men and women but my question is, are men really different from you? The man you have been living with all your life is actually not thinking what you are thinking that he is thinking, but is thinking what you are definitely not thinking? Confused? So am I.
So, I decided to deal with this question objectively. The major difference between men and women comes in the form of language. “You don’t understand” is the most common phrase since forever. Ever wondered why? This is because each party thinks that the other person has failed to grasp the actual meaning, or the inference, or the reference, or the underlying meaning of their spoken words. But, how is a person supposed to understand what the other person really wants to communicate about?
Women Rapport & Men Report
The first difference is when a woman communicates; she wants to build a connection and a relationship. On the other hand, when a man communicates, he tends to relay information, discuss and debate on facts and reach a conclusion which is satisfying for him. So, when a woman tries to share her feelings with a man that she had a bad day, she hopes that he is going to sympathize with her and will try to make her feel better emotionally. But, all a man does is urge her to tell the details and when he grasps the actual problem, he goes on a mission to solve it for her. He fails to understand that all she wants is his support and she fails to convey it to him. Additionally, when a man tries to solve the problem for women, he fails to show that this is a form of support only. This failure is a failure of communication and both men and women should try to bridge this gap by better communicating their needs and expectations of what they want the other person to do.
Different Goals to achieve
When men and women talk, they have a different agenda in their mind which sets their emotional needs. Men through their conversations try to exert their independence and make their place in the social hierarchy. They always have something to prove which will ultimately improve their image and will show them as more manly or productive. However, when women talk, their aim is to build or strengthen existing connections. So, they focus on supporting and empathizing. This difference in the approach becomes a nuisance when both try to talk but in the end become exasperated because they are unable to look beyond their viewpoint. Both men and women should, therefore, try to understand each other’s purpose which will help them in their communication with the opposite sex better.
At the Time of Conflict
Let’s talk about the real issue, what happens when a conflict arises between men and women? Also, how do they react to other problems? The answer is very different. Men have inherent independent streak where they believe that they are solely capable of solving their issues and so they do not rely or depend on another being to solve their issues for them. However, women believe the same but, to a certain extent they depend on their male counterpart to support them by listening to their problem. Thus, at the time of conflict men become silent while trying to resolve the problem and women talk about the problem because it makes them feel better. Both men and women should understand the need of their partner when they want to be silent and when they want to talk.
So, next time when you have a problem with your boyfriend and you are considering breaking up with him, remembering these differences might not solve the problem but it will make it easier to understand the motives behind some of the words.